Friday, September 2, 2011

Rock-On, Down-Low, Nothing-to-Lose... Diet... Cola?

I kid you not. That's what my soda can says. Rock on. Down low. Sparkle. Nothing to lose. Bubbly. All this is radiating from the head of a young fellow who seems to be having a seizure or a breakdown or something. Eh... what the heck? I mean, it's store-brand diet soda!

Just in case you think I'm messing with you, here's some evidence.

The Absurdity of Publix Diet Cola

I guess someone must go for that kind of thing. I suppose that people who look over their shoulders and wait until the aisle is clear before choosing diet may need reassurance of a rather silly kind. Or maybe this is a common self image for store-brand diet soda drinkers. But maybe I'm over-rationalizing. Maybe it just makes no sense.

I looked up Publix Diet Cola, trying to find a good picture so I wouldn't have to take and tweak one myself, and I ran into something interesting. It seems that a blogger wrote the company in 2007, puzzling over the word "leaded" on the can. Apparently, some time between then and now, Publix decided that "rock on" is more appropriate. I wonder if the change was made as a result of the fellow's very email! Indeed, I already know that I'm sucking up a corrosive chemical soup, I really don't need lead poisoning on top of that. Yes, I know what it means. It's just kinda... embarrassing. Either very disingenuous or a quietly sardonic gesture.

And yes, I know that there are many reasons not to be drinking Publix Diet Cola now. It certainly ain't health food. Publix is a giant fish that ate a lot of big fish that ate up all the small, local fish. Recycling the can is not all that much better than throwing it away in terms of environmental impact. The fields of crops for the flavoring likely replaced forests, and the local workers who tend and harvest them are probably mistreated and paid very low wages. The absurdity of the label is unhealthy for both heart and soul. So, try as I may, maybe I'm still a decadent son of empire. I'm no more perfect than you, but I'll continue to improve and do my best.

And I may occasionally treat myself to some rock-on, down-low, sparkle, nothing-to-lose, bubbly diet soda. Mmm. Like I'm doing right now.

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