Saturday, September 3, 2011

As It Turns Out, I'm Also a Heel

I pray, you know? The One I pray to is not important right now, because we all approach the same great Something in our own ways, and I don't want to alienate anybody.

If you pray too, you know what the experience is like. It's not exactly as if someone's answering, but sometimes thoughts just pop into your head that didn't seem to come from you. Sometimes they even interrupt what you're saying. Sometimes you're led gently, and you start to see things from a much greater perspective, sharing in thoughts your mind is too simple to conceive. Praying is anything but talking to yourself.

Well, I took a break this evening to pray for peace, focus, and growth for Kat and I, and I started to talk about how I know I don't really deserve to ask for anything, that it's only by that Something's love and kindness that we receive good things. I mention it sometimes. But then I could see just how little I deserve anything.

I haven't handled difficulty well lately. My coping skills simply aren't up to some current challenges, and I think I've been kind of a jerk. I've done my best, I've just failed in some basic way that I'm only beginning to grasp. There's so much more for me to see, for me to understand. I'm not at all well-equipped for this life thing.

Yep, that's what it's like, seeing yourself in the eyes of Something much greater than yourself. But my understanding is expanding. The One who showed me my failure also knows how to make it better, so it's all just fine.

I see the trust in the eyes of our dogs sometimes, and I try as best I can to live up to it. Well, as I do with the dogs, Something greater than me is trying to teach me better ways. What can I do but look to that One with trust in my eyes?

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